I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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