Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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