She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
