did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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