Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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