So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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