Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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