We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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