I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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