Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
