u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
