Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my shit smells like andre
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
