So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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