would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
