I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
