Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
