my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
