Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
