Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
