its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
