In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
