then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
