he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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