I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
