Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
