i just had sex bonerless
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
