I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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