My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
from now on my penis is your penis
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
