WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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