he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
