You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
