quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
