Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
