My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
