I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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