i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
