At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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