gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
