Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
