the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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