it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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