every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
