We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
