Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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