let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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