They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
