Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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