I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You made out with two different species that night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
