I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
