I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
