Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
