Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
