Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
