You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
