The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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