i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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