Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
