I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
