There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
