DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
