i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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