oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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