Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
