My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
