I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
