What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
