An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
