Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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