Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
