when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
