We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
