i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
