guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
