Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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