Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
farters have to be the big spoon...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
