does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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