Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
