Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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